2029 [January 3rd | 4/365]

I was sitting in my computer room with Sam
when I suddenly saw that it was 1 p.m.
Immediately I became hungry,
so I hit "lunch" on my iHome,
but nothing happened.

So I hit "lunch" again.
Again, nothing happened.

I had it set to "chicken sandwich."
I figured maybe it was out of chicken,
so I changed it to "tuna sandwich"
and hit lunch a third time.
Again, nothing happened

and Sam told me that fish
had gone extinct last Tuesday
(he checked it on his BlackBerry)
so I cahnged it to "egg sandwich"
and hit lunch one more time.
Nothing happened.

At this point, I was starving.
I felt like I could kill someone.
I killed Sam.
He was right there.
I ate his arms.
I would have cooked him first,
but I didn't know how.

So I think that that's how I got sick.